Harv9000 A Fanfic Oddysey
by yobeefjerky
Summary: At first it all seems innocent and a good time. The group of misfits come together and go on an "adventure". But they don't have long until their AI "Harv9000" attacks. Follow Elysium, Marken, and Harv in an epic fight for survival, unanswered questions, and high tensions.


Harv9000: A Fanfic Odyssey

At first it all seems innocent and a good time. The group of misfits come together and go on an "adventure". But they don't have long until their AI "Harv9000" attacks. Follow Elysium, Marken, and Harv in an epic fight for survival, unanswered questions, and high tensions. No it's not erotica. Shut up. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Synopsis to be properly edited later :P**

 **Credit goes to 2001:A space oddysey**

 **Created By Yobeefjerky and Amaz1ngWhale**

* * *

Mission Week 0 Mission Day 1

Sol Date 10/4/3462

Elysia Date 15/11/74523

Location: Elysia Capitol Station, Launch Bay 52

Status: Preparing to Launch

Sanity: Normal

Morale: Ecstatic

Harv presses the green button on his keypad, preparing the ship for undocking. "Harv9000, mind checking the systems for me?" He asks in his deep voice, making him sound a lot older than he really is.

"Running systems diagnostic, level 1, antimatter weapons at 100 percent, shields at 100 percent, thrusters offline, and we are still docked." Harv9000 echoes through the loudspeaker, mimicking Harv's voice perfectly, but with an electronic buzz.

"Thank you." Harv calls out, staring at some random news article about the price of Earth wine on the market.

Elysium saunters into the room, slightly drunk from a night out at one of the station's bars. "We ready yet?" He asks.

"Almost. Just one… more… There." A loud hum from the thrusters suddenly starts as the ship begins to move away from the station. Elysium walks up next to Harv, and scratches the red stubble on his chin.

"So, we are finally undocked from the station." an unknown female sounding voice says

"Yes we are, Marken." Elysium says, looking out into space. A grin grows on his face. Harv looks at Elysium, confused.

"What? Who's there?" Harv asks as he looks around the bridge, wondering where the voice is coming from

"Your new science officer…" Marken replies, as she steps into the bridge. Elysium laughs, looking at the bewilderment on Harv's face.

 _Man she's hot. Wait? What? Why am I thinking that? Who is she, and how does Elysium know her?_

"Harvey, this is Marken, who, no, is not my girlfriend…" Elysium says, gesturing to Marken. "Don't give him any ideas, Elysium," Marken says jokingly, "he already seems distracted enough."

Harv quickly realizes he was staring right at Marken… Not a very good first impression.

"So- umm, so where- so where are we headed?" Harv manages to stutter out, distracted by trying to act casual. "Trying to catch flies? Or snowflakes?" Marken says grinning, Elysium laughs, and pats Harv on the shoulder. "Seriously though, Marken, this is Harv, Harv, this is Marken. Marken is our new science officer. Quite a coincidence we met at the station really. We knew each other from way back."

"By way back you mean nightclub 327 last week, right?" Harv asks, smiling, remembering Elysium telling him (while drunk) about a cute girl who saved him.

"No, I mean- well yeah… the night club" Elysium shakes while thinking about it. "Yeah, and by met you mean saved by me, those guys would have crushed you if I haven't stunned them, with my stun gun."

"Shut up, I didn't know they hated KSP, i could've sworn they were talking about it." Elysium retorts, grinning sheepishly. "If you mean by how much they hated it, then yes."

"Okay? So where do we go, I'm being serious now, where do we go?" Harv asked, breaking out of his trance

Elysium and Marken both looked at him. "Well, I-," Elysium starts, "I actually don't know."

"Maybe I can plot a randomized course in a random direction?" Harv9000 chimed in. "FOR ADVENTURE!" Elysium shouts, pumping his fist in the air. Marken face palms, and Harv grins. "Affirmative. Preparing jump drive." Harv9000 announces.

* * *

Mission Week 0 Mission Day 2

Galactic Standard Sol 3

Sol Date 10/5/3462

Elysia Date 15/11/74523

Location: In Theta-Space

Status: In Flight

Sanity: Normal

Morale: Anticipatory, Bored

Harv yawns, stretching his arms in his spacious bunk.

 _The jump should have finished by now._

He slowly crawls out of bed, he was never much of a morning person. Getting up, he walks over to his mini closet, gets some clothes, and then heads to the lounge to get some breakfast. Marken was already there, wide awake, reading something on her datapad.

"Hey captain, what are you doing up this early in the morning? It's only 3." Marken asks, not looking up. Harv felt awkward being referred to as captain, but rolls with it. "It's 3? Oh. Well I woke up anyway. Might as well eat and see how the ship is doing." Harv says while getting a cup of hot chocolate, still waking up from the long night, and the uncomfortable beds don't help either.

"Harv9k is bored, and Elysium still isn't up, seems like we are the only ones awake."

A bunch of possibilities run through Harv's head about being alone with Marken. He embarrassingly dismisses them.

"WARNING, I am detecting an object 3 kilometers off our ventral hangar, dispatching drone to intercept and collect, possibly salvage. **"** Harv9000 basically screamed into the hallways of the ship. Well, as close to scream as an AI can. Harv and Marken both jump, and immediately start sprinting towards the bridge.

"No mommy I don't want the butterfish cookie, I want the chocolate foot bunny, but I want a cookie" Elysium says in his sleep

Then the alarms go off. He falls out of bed screaming "BUT I DON'T WANT TO EAT CHINA!"

He then struggles off of the floor and runs out of his room… Without getting his clothes.

Running down the halls in his underwear, Elysium collides headfirst into Marken, both of them falling down on top of each other.

"Get off of me Elysium, ELYSIUM, GET OFF OF ME!" Marken starts yelling into his ears.

Elysium gets up, only to realize he isn't in his uniform, quickly covering his underwear as he runs back into his room.

Harv falls into hysterics, forgetting about the unidentified object. Marken gets up and brushes herself off. "Ugh. Can't believe that guy sometimes." She says, annoyed, but slightly amused.

Realizing that they still have a mission to do, and a possible salvage opportunity, they both continue making their way back to the bridge.

"Get to the Ventral hangar, I have brought the pod there" says Harv9000 over the loudspeakers.

"Marken, yo-" Harv was cut off when he found that Marken was no longer besides him

"Wow, she is fast" he murmurs, while watching Marken sprint at seemingly inhuman speeds down the hallway.

The team of misfits gathers in the ventral hangar. Marken, Elysium, and Harv all look down at the pod.

The hangar ramp closes, locking into place with a loud hiss, Marken was surprised at the size of the hangar, she didn't expect there to be so much space inside the hangar of such a seemingly small ship,

 _Hmm, well the Elysians did always seem to have a way with rooms. Like the capitol station, it seems so small, but in reality that station is frickin' huge._ She thought, eyeing the pod.

It was approximately 2 meters wide and 4 meters long, along with 2 meters in height, it was shaped like a capsule, with a small ring which was almost magically suspended (magnetics, probably) around the end of the pod, along with an airlock on the back.

The front of the pod looked like it had been punched by the devil himself, as the window in the front was cracked at the sides, and the hull was dented and smoking. Whoever was in this was most likely soup by now, as this pod looked like it would shatter if it was even touched. "So, are we supposed to believe that there is a living person in there? Because it looks like it's been shot out of a MAC cannon!" Harv said, wondering if Harv9000 was right about life signs

"Yep, we have to believe him…" Replied Marken, who at this point was willing to bet 15 stels that whoever inside was dead.

"Well, we can never know until we check." Responds Elysium, who had finally made his way to the hanger.

"Alright, let's open this casket!" Marken shouts.

* * *

Mission Day ?

Sol Date ?

Elysia Date ?

Location: ?

Status: ?

Sanity: ?

Morale: ?

There were screams all across the ship. Marken was running through the halls… running for her life, everything around her was either exploding, or being breached. No area was safe. She saw Elysium, hanging on to a piece of hull, being sucked out into the void.

"MARKEN, HEEEEEEELLLLP!" He screamed in terror as he succumbed to the pull and was sucked into the inky blackness of space

"ELYSIUM!" She screams, tears forming in her eyes. She had to keep going.

Crew members all around where dying. Being sucked out into the void. On fire. Being shot b the security systems.

She kept running. Running. Running.

She runs past a room, in which Harv sits on a bed, reading _The Martian._ He gestures for her to come in, his shirt suddenly gone.

She keeps running.

It was a never ending circle of terror, a never ending circle of hell, she could not think about anything else, not even where she was going. Then, she ran into a room, no damage, nothing, at all.

".nekraM, uoy evol I" Harv says inside her mind. She couldn't understand him, she just wanted away from all this pain, all this terror, she just wanted… Away.

* * *

Mission Week 0 Mission Day 5

Sol Date 10/7/3462

Elysia Date 15/12/74523

Location: Sector 52-Omega

Status: In Flight

Sanity: Normal

Morale: Bored

Marken wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs. She realizes it was just a dream, a nightmare. She gets up and rubs her head.

 _What a strange dream… Was that Harv_ _in there, why would he be in there… Shirtless… In a dream? I should get a shower. I reek._

But she doesn't realize there is an Elysium hiding behind her door, preparing his "ULTIMATE PRANK OF AWESOME!"

She walks out of the door only to swiftly say good morning to the floor before she was pelted with water balloons constantly, soaking the carpet, and her. All the while Elysium was just dying of laughter.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THE BALLOONS FROM!?" she screeched while running for her life away from Elysium who was at this point giggling like a schoolgirl who was about to pull a prank on her brother.

"I got them from the store at the capitol station before we left." he says, grinning.

"STAHP, I SURRENDER, WHITE FLAG WHITE FLAG!" she yells, still being pelted by the water balloons. She hadn't even gotten dressed yet.

Once the barrage finally ended, she saunters over to Elysium, and slaps him. Not hard, as she thought it was rather funny herself. "God dammit Elysium!" she says, starting to laugh.

"Come on, it was awesome!" he says, trying to avoid the punches she was throwing. One catches him in the arm, and he laughs harder.

"At least I won't need to take a shower now" she responded, just now realizing she was not dressed, and had her pajamas on.

Harv walks in, hearing the commotion. He sees a soaked Marken in her pajamas, a wet carpet, a pile of water balloons, and an Elysium in hysterics.

"Not even going to ask." he says, and turns around, heading to the lounge.

"So, what were they doing in the hallway?" asked a curious Harv9000.

"I have no idea, none, at all." Replied a very clearly confused Harv who was flicking through the TV channels, finally settling on a cooking show.

"So now you will need to apply the salt to the turkey and let it cook for a good 2 hours, we will be back when that's done." Said the chef on the TV, Harv for whatever reason decided he liked this show and just continued to watch it.

Meanwhile in Elysium's mind;

 _I wonder what Harv is watching on the TV, meh, I'm probably going to walk into the lounge, and say I'm just going to watch TV, but end up drinking coffee while talking to Harv9000 or Marken._

"Come on water, heat up, I like my showers hot, not cold" said a certain Marken who was stepping into a shower, which was acting up as usual, "Harv9k, can you please increase the temperature of the water?" she asked, "Sure" came a happy reply, suddenly the water was burning hot, literally, it felt like she was inside an oven, it really hurt "OW, HARV9000 TURN IT DOWN!" she screamed. "Okay!" chirped Harv9000, then the water got cooler, and was now at an acceptable temperature. "This is good, Harv9k, next time, please just put up this temperature when I use the shower, ok?" "Fine" said a very happy sounding Harv9000

15 Minutes Later

Marken stepped out of the shower and began to get dressed, that's when she heard a sound. It sounded like someone walking up to the door,

"Oh no, no, no!" said Marken

"Yeah so, here let me open this door!" Says Harv.

"Unlocking the door." chirped Harv9000.

"Don't open the door, if you open it I will kill you!" Shouted Marken.

That's when the door began to open, and she had no other choice but to jump into the still running shower, and act like she was still in the shower.

"Ok, here let me get my toothbrush and, oh, hello? Who's there?" Harv thought the bathroom was empty, as Harv9000 had said, but clearly someone had left the shower on, oh well, he could turn it off. So he opened the curtain by a small bit, and stuck his hand in.

But it didn't feel right. He could feel the shower was hot, instead of it being absolutely freezing, hmm, now where was the dial again, hmm.

Marken was backed up to the back of the shower, trying to get as far away from the hand as possible, this was just embarrassing. She wished she could disappear, as the hand was getting closer to her…

Harv, on the other hand, began to feel around the shower, and decided that this was ridiculous, he opened the curtain even more, just enough to peek his head through, luckily for Marken, he faced away from her, unluckily for Marken, he appeared to have no control over his hand at all, so, in a fit of embarrassment, she slapped him, and he turned around for a split second to see who had slapped him… He got more than he bargained for, because the second he turned around he saw a knee heading straight for his face, which knocked him even further into the shower, only unconscious that is, Marken picked him up, and dragged him out of the shower, and into the main bathroom, where she set him up, and locked the door, which was unlocked for some reason, she swore she had locked it.

 _Harv9k…. What's gotten into him?_

 _Ow, my head, what hit me, I think I remember a knee, or was that a cat, no, cats don't take showers, only Marken takes hot showers… Wait, that shower was hot, only Marken takes... Oh no now I'm in for it_

"WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" yelled a very, veryangry Marken at Harv.

"Um, I can explain!"

"WHY DID YOU GO INTO A RUNNING SHOWER!" Screamed Marken

"I THOUGHT IT WAS NOT BEING USED!" Yelled Harv

"Did you not hear me yelling for you not to come in? Or even see my silhouette in the shower?"

"No" responded a very, very scared Harv.

"I am going to kill you one of these days"

* * *

8 Hours later

Harv goes to sleep

Mission Week 0 Mission Day -?

Sol Date 2/6/3422

Elysia Date 15/12/74142

Location: Elysia Capitol Station

Status: Curious

Sanity: Sane

Morale: Scared

Harv was walking down the hallway of a strange area of the capitol station, mommy told him to not go here, as people often go here and never return, he then sees a very big room filled with ships flying around, entering and exiting the room into space through a magical field.

That's when he saw a little girl running around the ships, and right into him. When he got up, she was gone. Maybe she walked through the field and left the station, maybe she went home, what time was it, I'm scared, mommy, please get me

"Harvey!" his mom called for him

"Mommy!" he cried

* * *

Mission Week 0 Mission Day 6

Sol Date 10/8/3462

Elysia Date 15/12/74523

Location: Sector 56-Omega

Status: In Flight

Sanity: "A Bit Loopy"

Morale: Rising Tensions

"Is it just me, or are we all a bit loopy?" Elysium comments, taking a sip of his coffee.

Marken was glaring at Harv. Harv was staring down at his food. Elysium was looking at both of them.

"Um, Marken, why are you glaring at Harv?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Marken shouts. Harv blushes, and sticks a piece of pancake into his mouth. Elysium shakes his head, pondering what could've happened.

"You two didn't…" Elysium begins. "OH MY GOD NO!" Marken shouts, and gets up, leaving the room. Harv gets up, clears off his plate, and heads to his own bunk.

Elysium sits there, alone, baffled.

"I wonder what happened." Harv9000 breaks the silence.

* * *

Mission Day 7

Sol Date 10/9/3462

Elysia Date 15/13/74523

Location: Sector 58-Omega

Status: In Flight

Sanity: Decent

Morale: Cooling off

Marken was sleeping on the couch in the lounge due to her apparently love of cartoons and watching them all night.

So she slept on the couch.

"Marken? Can you please get off the couch?" asked Harv who thought the sight of Marken sleeping on the couch was cute anyways

"Marken?"

"No leave me alone, I'm tired" Marken mumbled

"I know you're awake, just, can you please move?"

"Fine"

"Thanks" Harv replied while he sat down on the couch. Marken then decided use his shoulder as a pillow,

Elysium walked in a few minutes later.

Ignoring the fact that Marken was leaning on Harv, half asleep, he began to talk. "That guy we found in the pod. He's awake."

No response, they were both asleep.

"Shall I wake them up?" Harv9000 asked.

"Nah, let them sleep, yesterday was a big day, though I may refer to them as the lovebirds now, hehe." Harv9000 is silent for a moment. Then uses his equivalent of an air horn. Elysium covers his ears and falls to the floor, and Harv and Marken both shout, jumping up.

"AH WHAT IS IT!" Yelled Harv.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE YOUNG!" screeched Marken.

The loud noise stops, and Harv9000 appears to chuckle to himself. "The person we found in the pod is awake." he says, strangely calm sounding.

* * *

 **Muahahhaha cliffhanger, im so evil, but seriously i hope you liked that and please make sure to give constructive criticism, it took us 7 hours to write this one chapter, 7 hours, thats quite a bit of time, and 3k words is more words in one chapter than some other fan-fictions have in the entire story, so, please take time to understand that we quite literally poured our heart into this story, and trust me, the name may not be good, so please put your suggestions on what i should put as the name in the reviews. ~Yobeefjerky**


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